sedins

Title: The Doctor, The Angel and The Parks' Deputy
Fandom: Parks and Recreation / Doctor Who (Series 5+)
Summary: One morning, a bright blue box appeared in the middle of the biggest park in Pawnee.

There was a British police box sitting in one of her parks, and Leslie Knope was simply not going to sit back and take that. And it wasn’t just because she’d already had around 3 different people come into her office and complain about it for many different reasons, the worst of them being Mr. Stevens, who’d angrily yelled about the way the bright blue of the box clashed with the green of the grass. Leslie wasn’t going to take it because even if she was running for office, she put a lot of effort into her parks, and nobody had the right to just throw their British police boxes in the middle of one.

“A British police box?” asked Ann Perkins, who technically had some work to do, but couldn’t refuse a favor for Leslie.

“A British Police Box!” replied Leslie, determinedly walking towards it. “I did research on them, too. So not only do we have an anglophile occupier, it’s an old-fashioned anglophile occupier. Nobody uses these anymore!”

“That’s… terrible?” said Ann, unsure. “What are we even gonna do, though? We’ll probably need a truck to move this”.

“Oh no, we’re not moving this,” said Leslie, standing right up to the door, in front of the sign reading ‘Pull to Open’. “The man that put this here is gonna move this”.

“What?” asked Ann, but Leslie didn’t reply, instead knocking on the door hard enough to rattle it.

There was no response from the inside, which showed that whoever was inside didn’t know that nobody denied Leslie Knope. So she knocked even harder, occasionally yelling “HEY” and trying to call out whoever was hiding in there, but nobody came out.

“Are you sure there’s somebody in there?” asked Ann, slightly concerned.

“Yeah, people have been saying there’s a man-“

“Hello!” said a voice, and suddenly the two women found themselves face to face with a man wearing suspenders and a bow-tie.

Neither would admit to yelling, but it was Leslie who denied it more fervently later that day.

--

Jerry Gergich, a very responsible public service worker, was not expecting the decorative statue of the angel when he walked into the record room. If he was being completely honest, all he had been expecting to find was files, papers and boxes, so when he came face to face with the angel (or face to face-covered-with-hands), he had a little scare.

Still, he had to admit it was a rather nice statue. It had a certain liveliness that was lacking in most of the sculptures down at Pawnee’s Diminutive Center for the Arts – compared to those, the sculpture in front of him almost looked alive.

Giving the statue one last look, Jerry set off to look for the file he needed to find. Maybe, he thought cheerily, he could convince Leslie to put it somewhere in the office. Sure, Ron might not go for it, but Leslie mostly appreciated good art. Perhaps if he could get Tom on board, convince him it was somewhat modern…

Suddenly he turned around, and the statue was standing right behind him.

Jerry gave a little yell, before the fear gave out and was replaced by annoyance. “Haha. Very funny, guys!” he said out-loud, not sure of who to blame. Sure, a haunted statue seemed right up April’s alley, and she definitely had the manpower with Andy, but one could never count Tom completely out in these pranks. He could be very inventive.

Well, at least he had found the file he was looking for. Jerry gave the statue one last look – and it was a pity, because it was a really nice statue, and closed the door behind him.

--

“Whoa, whoa, please, none of that!” the man in the bow-tie said, stepping out of the box. “No screaming, please!”

“I’ve been knocking for almost ten minutes!” Leslie exclaimed, a bit rattled.

“Yeah, sorry about that” the man responded in a thick British accent. Ann found she liked it. “Lots of rooms in there, you know, makes it hard to hear the door sometimes”.

Ann found she liked the fact that he was delusional a lot less. “Rooms?”

“Look, I don’t care if this is your house or your bathroom or what,” said Leslie, getting right to the point, “but whatever it is, it needs to be out of the park”.

“Already tried that, didn’t quite work” the man replied, cheerily. “She’s been refusing to move, and when she gets stubborn like this I’m afraid it’s really hard to get her to change her mind”.

“She?” asked Ann, feeling really lost, and starting to feel tired of asking questions nobody was answering.

“Look, we all have problems with things that don’t wanna do what we want them to do even when we talk to them” Leslie said. “But you can’t just drop your box here-“

“T.A.R.D.I.S.” the man said with a smile.

“Sorry?”

“This is not just a box, it’s a T.A.R.D.I.S.” the man said. “And I didn’t drop it here so much as I drove it here. Well, less ‘drove’ it, and more ‘crashed’ it. Little difference, no matter what anybody says. Sometimes you just need to crash it, I think”.

Any other person would have been frazzled, but Ann knew Leslie better than that. She had dealt with too many weird people to be frazzled by a weird man in box. Her face had taken that determined look she got whenever someone told her she couldn’t do something, or that they weren't serving breakfast anymore.

“Look,” she said, “What’s your name?”

“I’m The Doctor” the man said.

“The what?” Leslie said, but the man just smiled cheerily. “Yeah, well, I’m the Parks' Deputy. And this,” she grabbed Ann’s arm, “is the Nurse”.

“Oh, I have one of those, too! A Nurse and a Pond!”

“Yeah?” Leslie said, and Ann could recognize that competitive tone seeping in now. “This is the Most Beautiful Nurse. I bet your Nurse is not as beautiful as Ann!”

The Doctor didn’t even look at her before replying “Oh, yeah, without a doubt. Not even a question, you’ve got him beat on that”. Ann wasn’t sure whether to feel flattered or bad for the guy.

Nonetheless the compliment seemed to have placated Leslie somewhat. “Look Doctor, you can’t just park your box here. I don’t know how, but you need to move it”.

“I would love to do that” the Doctor said, and suddenly Ann thought he looked really, really old. “But she wouldn’t have taken me here if I wasn’t needed, and I can’t leave until I know exactly why I’m here, and until I have solved that problem completely”.

“Problem? What kind of problem?” Ann said, breaking the silence and surprising herself.

“Ann!”

The Doctor smiled. “Why don’t you come inside?”

--

April Ludgate-Dwyer was not in the business of hunting helpless men to swindle them out of their money, at least not before lunch. Nonetheless, the man who was currently trying to talk to her looked nervous and easy, and they were running low on groceries. They could always use a little extra cash for cereals and plastic plates.

“So I was just wondering if you’ve had, uh, maybe, seen something- um” the man fidgeted, the British accent doing nothing to help him. “Something odd?”

“Maybe” April said.

“Really?” the man looked visibly surprised. “Like, what sort of thing?”

“What kind of thing are you looking for?”

“Um” said the man, looking nervous once again. “All sorts of odd things. Er, ghosts, maybe? Things moving about when they shouldn’t. I’m not sure, really…”

April pretended to think about it, even giving it a dramatic head tilt. “I think I’ve seen something like that”.

“Really? Where-”

“In the supermarket” April interrupted. The man looked a little taken aback. “It happens every time I buy stuff there”.

“Oh. Well, I guess we could try-“

April didn’t let him finish before she stood up and walked away. “Come on. We’re low on curry mix and we broke out last set of water guns”.

“Uh, right, right” the man followed her, nervously. “I’m Rory, by the way-“

“I don’t care”.

After that, Rory chose to wisely stay quiet for the rest of their outing.

--

Tom Haverford had an established plan of action to put in use when it came to approaching women. First, he spotted the woman he was going to talk to. Second, he picked up a specific trait or characteristic about her, and created a pick-up line praising it. Third, if it worked, he kept doing it until he got her number.

The girl looking through the bookstore had no chance.

“Hey there, Red” he said, earning nothing but a confused look from her. Good, he could work with confused. “I couldn’t help noticing you all the way from the other side of the room, because your hair is so beautiful it just… lights up the whole room”. Tom was proud – that had been one of his best ones.

Red, however, didn’t look impressed. “Okay…?”

British accent! Tom could definitely work with that. “Hey! You’re from out of town, aren’t you? Well you’re in luck, because I am-“ and at this point he pulled back just in case Red couldn’t see the whole package “-the greatest tour guide you will ever meet. Nothing happens in this town without me knowing about it”.

“Really?” Red said, and finally! She was starting to look interested.

“Any hot spots, parties, clubs – anything you need to know, beautiful, I’m your man”.

“How about anything strange happening around town?”

Tom paused and considered for a moment: This was not the way most of his pick-ups went. “Weird? Like, freaky club weird or-?”

“Ugh. What’s a reference you guys will get…No, more like…Ghostbusters’ weird?”

This was definitely not the way most of his pick-ups went, but that was alright. Tom could work with goth chicks. “Oh yeah, tons of them! If there weren’t so many people here, this would be a Ghost Town!” Red rolled her eyes and looked ready to ignore him, so he added “Just this morning, this weird sculpture showed up in my office!”

It had been a last-ditch attempt to keep her attention, but it worked like nothing else he had said before. Red’s eyes went wide, almost as if she was scared. “Of an angel?”

“Yeah! How did you know? It was all ugly and scary, so I took it and I put it in the file rooms” Tom couldn’t keep a small laugh at that, and wondered if Jerry had gone in there already. Man, why hadn’t he thought of putting a camera up or something?

Red, however, didn’t seem to think it was as funny as he thought it would be. “You’ve got to take me to see it”.

“Hey, lovely, I’d love to do that, but it’s in a private government room now. But! If you want, you and I could find a good private spot to chat and-“

Whatever else he might have added was cut short when Red grabbed his arm and twisted it (lightly, she could claim, but Tom knew a good arm twist when he got one). “Listen, you, first off – my name is Amy. Not beautiful, not lovely and definitely not Red”.

“Alright, alright, point taken!”

“Second of all,” Amy continued, not really letting go of Tom’s arm, “trust me, you are in terrible danger as long as that thing remains in your office. So now, you-,” and at this point, she twisted his arm a little more to make her point and get a tiny whine out of him “-are gonna take me to see it so me and my friends can take care of it. Got it?”

“Yeah, yeah, got it! Please let go of my arm!”

Amy did, and Tom promised himself to never try and pick up a red-head again. At least for a week.

--

Ron Swanson considered himself a man of simple pleasures. All he needed to be happy was a nice plate of meat, a quiet cabin in the woods, a gun and some furniture to build – not even all of them at the same time, though it would be nice. Most days, however, he settled for a quiet day at work where no one would bother him and he could contribute nothing to the government.

So far, his day had taken the complete opposite route on that dream.

It started with April, who brought back with her a twitchy Englishman carrying her groceries. The betrayal was doubly painful, as he counted on April to keep things quiet and from getting to him, and all she was doing instead was giving him a headache.

“Nothing weird actually happens in that supermarket, does it?” the man asked, looking irritated but putting the bags down carefully anyway.

April shrugged. “I said maybe”.

The man twitched visibly, even from Ron’s office. “You tricked me! And now I have American money – when am I going to use American money?”

“I don’t know” April replied, rummaging through the bags. “Maybe your country can upgrade their currency”.

The man sputtered, and Ron sighed, resigned to his fate.

“April!” he said, commanding attention as he left his office. The twitchy man shot up straight with his arms on his sides, almost as if Ron was a general and the man was a mere soldier receiving instructions. “Did you trick this man into buying you groceries?” April looked away rolling her eyes; an expression which he knew was a clear sign of guilt. He was, in spite of himself, slightly impressed. “You’re gonna pay him back”.

“Uh, no, it’s fine, really” the man said, still glued to the spot. “I mean, if she needs it, she can keep them”.

“Whoa, thanks” deadpanned April, and for a moment the man relaxed, before she added, “I’m still not gonna sleep with you, Maury”.

“I’m married! And my name is Rory!” the man said, making Ron take a deep breath. Andy, of course, chose that moment to walk, yell out ‘Groceries!’ and start rummaging through them with April. His patience was running out.

Not five seconds later, Leslie and Ann walked in through the door, followed by a weird man. While Rory at least gave the impression of having a slight appearance of military training, the man following the ladies was simply eccentric – a tweed jacket, suspenders, and even worse: he wore a bow-tie. Ron would have attempted to count to ten if he didn’t think that technique was completely useless.

“Right! I need everybody’s attention, yes?” the weird man started, getting most of it. April, at the very least, was pretending to be more interested in her bag of M&M’s. “Look, there is something not quite right going on in this town – I’m not really sure what it is, yet, but it’s probably very dangerous!”

“Doctor” Rory interrupted, “I’m not sure there’s anything here”.

The Doctor turned around, losing his flow suddenly. “Rory! You’re here already!” From beside Ron, Rory gave out what sounded like annoyed breathing. “Good job getting ahead. But no, you’re wrong, there has to be something here” The Doctor was pacing now. Ron could feel his eye starting to twitch. “Otherwise the T.A.R.D.I.S. wouldn’t have brought us here, don’t you think? I’m just missing it! It’s right in front of my nose, and I’m missing it!”

Ron felt a tug on his jacket, and turned to see Leslie wearing the most dazed expression he had ever seen on anyone. “Ron” she whispered confidentially, “I think that man might be an alien”. His thoughts on that must have shown clearly on his face, because she instantly added: “Ann thinks so too!!”

“An alien” Ron repeated, not sure of what to add to that.

In front of him, the Doctor was still pacing. “I just don’t understand what is it I’m supposed to find!”

Suddenly, a loud litany of “ow, ow, ow” started coming from the hall, progressively getting louder. Even without recognizing the voice, Ron knew it belonged to Tom before he showed up being dragged by a redheaded woman pulling on his arm.

“Amy!” exclaimed Rory, visibly relieved.

“Pond!” exclaimed the Doctor as well, momentarily distracted from his rant. “You’re the last one here, so you better have something good for me”.

“Oh, you bet” Amy (Pond?) said, releasing Tom. “They’ve got an Angel in their filing room”.

“A-what now?” said Leslie, who Ron knew was probably feeling annoyed at not understanding.

But the Doctor ignored her. His face had gone from frustrated to elate in less than a second.

“Angels! Of course it’s angels! It’s always those bothersome little buggers, isn’t it?”

Nobody in the room really knew the answer to that, so they remained quiet until Andy finally

said “OK, I got like, three words of that”. Of course, he said it with a handful of pistachios in his mouth, so it was hard to understand him, too.

“Is this some sort of cult thing?” Leslie asked, all of her wonder gone as she went back into work mode. “Because we really have a schedule for these things, you’ll have to come back on Wednesday like everyone else”.

“Oh, no, not a cult at all” replied the Doctor, disgustingly cheerful. “Just some very dangerous aliens. Don’t worry, though, if it’s just one, I can take care of it. It’ll be out of your hair and your office in no time!”

Something seemed to snap in Ron at this – probably, he thought, the way the man kept jumping around and fiddling with the office equipment. “Enough!”

The room went quiet, and everyone looked at him. Even the Doctor stopped jumping around, which Ron considered progress. “These… angel things. Dangerous?”

“Oh, very” the Doctor replied, earnestly. “Very sneaky, too”

“And you can take care of them?”

“Yes! Without a doubt! Mostly!” Ron saw Amy roll her eyes, but decided to ignore it.

“And will there be paperwork?”

At this, the Doctor actually made a disgusted face. “Oh, no, no way. I’d rather take the Angel with me than do paperwork. What a waste of time”.

Ron breathed a sigh of relief as he felt his headache slowly fade away. “Right” he said, and turned to April. “Call me when they’re gone”.

And with this, he went into his office deciding to ignore the problem.

--

“Right” said Leslie, addressing the group shortly after the Doctor and friends had left. “I think we can all agree not to bring this up to anybody else”.

“I still can’t believe how close I was to…” Jerry let the sentence unfinished, visibly distraught.

“Oh, come on, Jerry, you didn’t have it that bad” whine Tom from his desk, rubbing his arm absently, but in a very deliberate manner.

Leslie, of course, turned his attention towards him. “Tom, I’m serious. Don’t bring this up in Joan Callamezzo’s show”.

Tom rolled his eyes, but said “Fine, Leslie”.

“And you, April” Leslie said, turning to the married couple behind her, “don’t try to sell the jar he gave you on eBay!”

April snorted, annoyed. “It’s not like I could get a certificate for lunar dust anyway”.

After that, the room fell into a comfortable quietness, and for a moment it seemed as though everyone was simply going to sit there and processed their incredibly bizarre day. It was then, however, that Ann noticed something. “Hey, guys… where’s Donna?”

--

Donna Meagle didn’t really understand why she, of all people, got a ride on the Doctor’s ship (something about being a fan of the name, he had said), but she wasn’t going to complain. Sure, the trip to Venezuela was still a lot more fun and a lot sexier, but in the general scale of things, going to a planet a million light years away and getting an extra-terrestrial mud-bath was pretty high up there on the list, as well.